Ha! Tea 'n' Danger

Loving, caring, sharing, kindness, compassion, empathy, respect, equality, freedom, peace, critical thinking, logic, reason, understanding, science…

My Best Friend: March 1972 – September 2011

I met him in junior high but it wasn’t until a couple of years later in high school that we became the best of friends. We were each others inspirations and we were inseparable. We never had a fight; not even an argument. In the summer of 1990 that changed. We had a major falling out and it was just before I was to start a new job in another city. Life took us in different directions and I never saw him again.

I harbored a lot of guilt from then on. I was full of hate, anger and self loathing. I was near impossible to get along with, because I held everyone to impossible standards that I imposed upon myself. I was well on my way to becoming a bitter old man at war with the world.

I never forgot my best friend nor did I ever stop missing him. All this time and distance, he was still my best friend. February 2011, I did a Facebook search for him and found him. Right then and there my life changed.

We exchanged emails for a couple of days while I built up the courage to call him. The first call went great, which led to the next call, and the call after that and so on. I had my best friend back and it was like no time had passed. We picked up right where we left off minus the hurt feelings.

We lived in different states so the friendship was limited to emails and phone calls, but we didn’t let that slow us down. We were laughing, joking and looking forward to when life would give us a chance to hug and  have a face to face conversation.

July 2011, my job on the road takes me home around the same time he is coming to town to visit family. I was nervous all over again, but a huge hug later and an evening of nonstop conversation put that to rest permanently. We managed to squeeze in two other visits and even got some pictures taken together before we both had to return to our regularly scheduled lives.

After that we continued to keep in touch via email, Facebook and hours on the phone. Very recently he told me he was planning on moving back to town where we went to school together and where I currently call home. Our most recent conversations consisted largely of our plans to spend every moment possible making up for lost time. We still had a lot of catching up to do. A million questions to be asked. A million stories to be told.

The last time I talked to him was on Tuesday. He sounded good and was in the process of packing for his move. He expected to be in town this weekend and there was a chance I would be in town when he got there. We were both excited about the prospect of seeing each other again relatively so soon. He cut the call short, because he was pretty busy with a lot of packing ahead of him.

The next day was a pretty busy day for me which stayed that way until pretty late in the evening. Just as I was settling down for the night I noticed that I had a message waiting for me on Facebook. It was his mom “call me as soon as you can, very important”. It was late but I couldn’t not call her. Moments later my worst fears had been confirmed; my best friend was gone.

My heart goes out to all of his friends and family. He was a good man. I love him like a brother and I miss him so much.

A million unasked questions. A million untold stories. If you knew him I would love to hear your stories. You can email me via my Contact page or Facebook.

You can read a little more about him in my About page where he receives honorable mentions. He’s the reason this blog is what it is today. He’s the reason I am the man I am today.

Whether you knew him or not, there is something that he shared with me that I would like to share with everyone else as well. He turned me on to a documentary a while back that has changed my life forever more. It’s not a religious film, but you would think it was considering the effect it had on me. It gave me a sense of spirituality that I never had before. It gave me the ability to forgive (myself and others), which I previously thought I was incapable of. It opened my eyes in countless ways. I couldn’t give a higher recommendation to anything.

This documentary, which came out in the early part of this year, whether he mentioned it to you or not, was a big part of his life. It had given him focus and direction that was part of our conversations to the end. On behalf of him and I, I strongly recommend this documentary to everyone.

18 responses to “My Best Friend: March 1972 – September 2011

  1. trailerparkbarbie September 30, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Thanks for that post! It is really making me think…..

    Thanks for stopping in, TPB.

    Peter Parkour

  2. boundandgags September 30, 2011 at 6:23 am

    Sorry for your loss. Sounds like he was a great guy.

    Thanks B&G, he truly was.

    Peter Parkour

  3. joanharvest September 30, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Oh Peter, You left me speechless here for a minute. First, my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine the sense of loss you feel on one hand, and on the other, the joy you must feel for having been able to resume your friendship with him again even for such a short period of time. I still see my best friend from grade school about 3 or 4 times a year. I have been friends with her for 52 years. I can’t imagine losing her. Second, I will watch the documentary in the next couple of days. For it to have had such an affect on you I feel I must watch it as soon as possible. I think we know each other well enough to know what might interest one another. Third, I am so happy you messaged me with this post because I might not have read it otherwise and I am so glad that I did read it. Fourth, Peter, I am so pleased to call you Friend.

    Thank you Joan. *sobs*

    Peter Parkour

  4. pumpkin September 30, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Peter, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I have a best friend that has been at my side for 23 years. I met her when I was in 10th grade in my mixed chorus class. About 5 years ago she borrowed money from me and refused to pay it back, her reason was because she had a learning disability… She didn’t care that I had three small kids and that money was needed.
    We didn’t speak to each other for 2 years. This was her doing, I tried to talk to her. She just put a wall up and acted like I didn’t exist and when I did get a hold of her all she would do was cuss at me. Still, I never gave up on her. I prayed every night that she would find her way back to me… I prayed and prayed for her and our friendship. It was a stupid fight.
    One day in October 2007, I quit my job at the daycare I had worked at for six years. I found her on My Space and we started talking. I told her I had quit my job and that I dreaded looking for another one. I got a phone call from her that night. She was looking for someone to work with/for her, she wasn’t happy with the people she had coming into her house to help her. So I accepted her job offer. I have been working with her 4-5 days a week ever since.
    Stephanie, my friend, has a disease that will eventually take her life. In the meantime we are making the best of what we have, each other. In all this I have learned that I need her just as much as she needs me.
    I can’t even begin to imagine how much you are missing your best friend right now, Peter. My heart goes out to you and his family…and know that I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.

    Thank you for sharing your links with me!

    Thank you for sharing with me, Pumpkin. I will keep your offer in mind.

    Peter Parkour

  5. tacetstudios September 30, 2011 at 9:45 am

    So sorry for your loss… I sent you a message on Facebook. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and his family.

    Thank you T.

    Peter Parkour

  6. Anne Pickles Goloven September 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Oh. Speechless for a while. Wiping tears of utter sorrow. I didn’t have to know him to know how marvelous he was, based solely on what you have written here. It breaks my heart to think that your friendship was cut short. Reading this reminds me that my life is just a teensy micro speck in this massive world we live in, in comparison to what has happened. What I’m trying to say, and not very well- is that life and things seem overwhelming all the time, but reading this… is a hardcore reminder that everything “important and overwhelming” is just really a bunch of nonsense and what is important in life is who you are, how you love, and what you can do for others. I didn’t even know him but I’ve learned from just reading this post. Peter, I’m sorry. If there is anything I can do, anything at all, just send me an email! Now I want to go to your links and learn more. I love you and am here for you. XOXOXOX

    I think you did a pretty good job, Anne. I know exactly what you mean. Thank you very much and I love you too.

    Peter Parkour

  7. David September 30, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Sorry to read about the passing of your friend Peter. It is a blessing to make and keep a friend like this, all the more so when such important gifts are exchanged. I benefited from this friendship too, for if not you I would never have seen that Zeitgeist film, which made a stunning impression on me.

    My condolences to his family.

    Thank you Dave. This has been a life changing year for me. I will always treasure the gifts he gave to me and will do my best to continue giving myself.

    Peter Parkour

  8. pamajama October 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    This post kicked my ass. For over two years I’ve wanted to go home and let things get in my way. You’ve provided me with further reason to cut that shit out. I am so sorry for your loss. Still gotta make my way to the video. Thanks for sharing this. I won’t forget it.

    Thank you, Pam, and glad I could get you moving in the right direction.

    Peter Parkour

  9. Anne Pickles Goloven October 1, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Peter, I’ve had the same best friend since kindergarten. That’s 36 years. She and her husband introduced Scott and I. In the last few years we have slowly drifted (for complicated reasons, in my mind) but I really read what you wrote and took it to my heart. I reached out to her and know we are all going to go out soon on a double date. I love her. I’ve missed her, BUT something pretty bad was blocking that blessing. I couldn’t get past it. Until I read this. Again, so sorry for your loss… I will continue to learn from other people’s stories…..

    Glad I could help. We’re all human. We have far more in common than our disagreements would lead us to believe. We all want to be respected. We all want to be loved. We all want to be part of something. The good news? We are all a part of something; the human race. Now all that’s left to do is love and respect one another. 🙂

    Peter Parkour

  10. Peter Parkour October 3, 2011 at 10:10 am

    From Wednesday night up until Sunday it was a deep sorrow. Sunday night that turned into hate, anger and rage. This morning it’s depression. I hope everyone else is handling this better than me. I miss him so much.

  11. pamajama October 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    How are you doing now? This was one of the most touching blog entries I ever read.

    Much better, thank you. It’s been nearly two weeks since my last uncontrollable crying episode. Now I mostly just tear up. I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things. I’m having a hard time letting go of all the plans we had, or actually the idea of moving forward with those plans without him.

    I made it to his service in Colorado on the 7th, and will also be attending the second service in Arizona on the 28th. He has a lot of friends and family in both locations that couldn’t make it to the other location. I wasn’t expecting to make either, but I’m found myself close enough both times that I couldn’t not go.

    I couldn’t not write this post either. I was up late, sleepless, in tears and needed to get these thoughts out. I wanted to share them, but was here all alone (Bunny in bed asleep). I didn’t know what else to do, so I quickly typed it out and posted it here. The act was purely selfish in the moment, but if others can take something away from it, I am grateful. I wish I would have hugged him better and more often. I wish I would have gave him a kiss on the cheek. I wish I could have recorded every moment we spent together. Ok, back to crying again. I still miss him so much.

    Peter Parkour

  12. Moonbeam McQueen March 8, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Oh wow. So how did I miss this page? Peter, I know this is belated, but I am just so, so sorry about the loss of your friend. This was an incredibly touching story, and all I can think of at the moment is how fortunate you two were to reconnect before he left the world. He left you with a lot of gifts, and you’ll have those for the rest of your life. What a guy.

    Thank you very much, Moonbeam. It’s easy to miss stuff around here, because I keep it coming. I do consider myself very fortunate considering the circumstances, but at the same time I can’t help but take count of everything I lost that day. If not for those gifts left behind, I don’t know what state of mind I would be in today. Lucky for me that’s not something I have to worry about. I’m still here, gift basket in hand, moving forward, doing my best to live up to the plans I had for us.

    Peter Parkour

  13. Word Wabbit March 24, 2013 at 7:52 am

    I’ve been watching Zeitgeist: Moving Forward. What an incredible documentary. Thank you so much for posting it. At first I had it confused with another documentary called Zeitgeist, which was also good. I love how this documentary starts with human development and psychology, and then gets into what humans do collectively as adults. Very interesting!

    • Peter Parkour March 24, 2013 at 8:45 am

      I’m glad you are enjoying it, WW. The two films are related and actually part of a three film series:

      Zeitgeist: The Movie

      Zeitgeist: Addendum

      Zeitgeist: Moving Forward

      all of which I share periodically. When I first saw them I watched them in reverse order, only because that’s how they became available to me, and the order worked for me. 🙂 I enjoyed them all, but Moving Forward was my favorite. I found it quite profound and moving; a real life changer for me. Not everyone welcomes the views with open arms, but there’s no way I could or would keep them to myself. If nothing else, they make for highly nutritious food for thought and great fuel for conversation.

      Feel free to share your thoughts on them. I love hearing what others think and feel on these matters.

      • Word Wabbit March 24, 2013 at 7:14 pm

        I must have already seen Zeitgeist: The Movie. Today I watched Zeitgeist: Moving Forward, which was really good and made a lot of sense. It’s really depressing what is happening to our planet.

        I wonder if you have heard of the 2045 Project: http://www.gf2045.com/

        I’m curious to know what your thoughts are on it.

      • Peter Parkour March 24, 2013 at 9:15 pm

        The 2045 Project (2045-P) is new to me, so I researched it a bit. Its billionaire founder, Dmitry Itskov, seems most interested in spiritual evolution (?) and science and technology in regards to merging humans with robots to make people immortal (transhumanism). When describing his ideas he used the term “controlled evolution” and went on to use the word “control” a little more than I was comfortable with. I’m okay with humans using technology to better their lives, and to even improve on their physical shortcomings, but his vision seemed a bit too inhuman for me. Anyway, on a quick dig, that’s what I came to understand.

        At a glance I can see where someone could confuse this 2045-P with The Zeitgeist Movement (TZM), but on closer inspection, they have very little in common beyond being future minded. TZM is interested in an (r)evolution of the mind (your spirituality is your business), addressing root problems instead of the resulting symptoms, moving beyond politics, poverty and war, a world without borders or money, recognizing the world as a single organism, the human race as a single family, and the world’s resources as common heritage for all and not just a few.

        2045-P while being future minded seems to be deeply rooted in the current paradigm of political and monetary motivations. TZM is a grassroots movement that is motivated by peace, love, equality and the elevation of the entire human race via a shift if values, education (critical thinking), maximizing the use of technology, the minimization of waste (resources) and use of the scientific method for the betterment of society.

        Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that. 😉 Probably more than you wanted to hear anyway. I know I touched on more than was referenced, and I hope I shared enough to have quenched your curiosity. If not, feel free to ask some specific questions. Maybe I’ll find it easier to stay on topic. 🙂 As for “It’s really depressing what is happening to our planet” I couldn’t agree more. Just another reason why I share the things I share (and why I’m vegan).

      • Word Wabbit March 24, 2013 at 9:24 pm

        Please don’t get me wrong. I, in no way, confuse the two ideas/movements. I am extremely skeptical of the 2045 Project, and it worries me greatly that it is funded by billionaires.

        No, I was speaking in general, clarifying differences for the next reader to come along. I’m rather skeptical too, because it (2045-P) seems to be garnering a lot of attention from those in power positions (control, control, control). Any time the elites take interest in such a project we really have to wonder what their motivations are.

        Peter Parkour

      • Word Wabbit March 24, 2013 at 9:30 pm

        I am working my way towards veganism. Milk and cheese are my downfall. I cannot substitute with soy. But, I am hopeful that I will be able to stick with it soon. I find that I can’t eat any processed foods. It seems that everything has some kind of animal product in it. It’s crazy how pervasive it is.

        Well congratulations to you and the world on your transition. 😀 My suggestion would be to go cold turkey. The first week is the worst due to withdraws (headache, irritability). The second week you fight a few cravings. The third week your taste buds start appreciating new tastes. Week four and beyond should be smooth sailing.

        Might I suggest almond milk, hemp milk, rice milk…? As for the taste of cheese, there are recipes out there (not soy based) that can give you a similar taste to cheese that can go good with nachos, macaroni, pizza… It is crazy how many products contain meat/milk/egg byproducts. You even have to be careful with french fries (potatoes + oil + salt = french fries—right? not always).

        Peter Parkour

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: