Ask A Trucker: Ketchup

Ketchup? What I meant to say was “catch up”. I’ve been a total slacker in the writing department, so I though I would do a catch up post covering multiple “Ask A Trucker” issues that have been gathering dust in the mail bag. Fair warning, this is a huge post (way too big), but don’t get spooked off. Read the questions first to see what might appeal to you. If you don’t see anything to your liking then run like hell, and don’t look back. Ok, enough with the small talk, I’ve got catching up to do:

• Q #1:

I was wondering what YOUR favorite trucker song might be: Eastbound and Down? Teddy Bear? Phantom 309? Convoy? The Rabid Child?

• A:

It probably just barely even qualifies as a trucker song, but my personal favorite is Leon Russell’s “Truck Drivin’ Man”. It’s not your typical trucker song. Its not full of trucker jargon and it doesn’t chronicle a wild and crazy trucker story. It’s a simple song about a simple truck driver. He pulls over for a cup of coffee. The coffee is good and the atmosphere is nice. Especially due to a song playing on the jukebox. It’s a trucker song he likes and it hits close to home. He enjoys his coffee, a little chit chat with the waitress, all with a good trucker song in the background. Then it’s back to work. He gets in his truck and he’s off again.

I’d say the song is even more simple than my explanation of it, but I love it just he same. I couldn’t rustle up a video, but you can hear the entire song here, and here are the lyrics:

I stopped at a roadhouse in Texas
A little place called Hamburger Dan
I heard that old jukebox started playin’
The song about a ‘Truck Drivin’ Man’

Well the waitress then brought me some coffee
And I thanked her and called her again
I said, “That old song there sure does fit me
‘Cause I’m a truck drivin’ man”

So pour me another cup of coffee
For it is the best in the land
And put another nickel in the jukebox
And play that ‘Truck Drivin’ Man’

And I climbed back aboard my old semi
Again like a flash I was gone
I heard them old truck wheels start rollin’
I’m on my way down to San Antone

Oh so, pour me another cup of coffee
For it is the best in the land
And put another nickel in the jukebox
We gonna play a little ‘Truck Drivin’ Man’
Almost play that ‘Truck Drivin’ Man’
Come on and play that ‘Truck Drivin’ Man’

For the record my wife, Bunny’s favorite trucker song is CW McCall’s Convoy.

The above question has been in the mail bag since April 18th, just shy of two months. Sorry it took me so long. Yeah, I suck. Ok, ok, on to the next question:

• Q #2:

I’m here as promised, and after watching both ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ and ‘Convoy’ within the last 72 hours, I must know the current situation concerning truckers, Citizens Band Radio, and trucker lingo. Do they still call the police Smokey? Do they still say things like “Kojak with a Kodak”? Or am I just living in 1977 and not recovering well from my father’s obsession with CB radios 30 years ago?

• A:

Yes, it’s true. The CB airwaves are filled with crazy trucker talk. It’s not as common a in the past, but it’s still alive and well. You don’t hear as many handles (trucker nicknames) being thrown around either. For the most part everyone refers to each other generically as “driver” or call them by the name on the side of their truck/trailer: Swift, J. B. Hunt, U. S. Express, etc.

The main difference between todays truckers and those of yesteryear is the fact that the CB for the most part is outdated. Today’s truckers have cellphones, Qualcomms, DriverTech (Qualcomm and DriverTech being instant messaging type systems for truckers and their companies), and other such technologies at their fingertips, making the CB an option instead of a necessities.

They still come in handy at truck stops, pick up and delivery points, in traffic jams, and of course keeping an eye out for bear (law enforcement). But for the most part they are largely used for entertainment purposes. A comforting voice on a lonely highway, there’s always someone needing to vent, and then you have your trash talkers and cat callers. For the most part there are two types of CB owners, talkers… and listeners.

Truth be told I don’t even have a CB in my truck. I’m not much for talking and I wouldn’t want to listen to all of the bullshit. At truck stops, pick ups, and deliveries I just get out of my truck to take care of business, and the way I drive, I’m not worried about bear. As for being lonely, my wife Bunny is my copilot. Maybe if I were more of the social type I’d get one, but I’m not, so I won’t.

Not to mention if you want one, you have to buy it yourself. Some trucking companies might supply them, but mine doesn’t, and they aren’t cheap. Especially if you want one that’s worth a damn. I’ve got better things to waste my hard earned money on. Anyway, there you have it, CB’s in a nutshell. :megreen:

That last one there’s been in the mail back since April 21st. Yup, I still suck, but I’m getting better. Now, back to your regularly scheduled reading already in progress:

• Q #3:

Hey, how has the major rise in gas prices effected you?

• A:

When I first read this question I quickly replied to the e-mail saying “I’m a company man, so it hasn’t effected me at all directly. Only indirectly, and you know as well as me that it effects everything”. Once I realized the question was meant for here (Ask A Trucker) I informed the curious party that I would still post the question and answer. After thinking about this exchange for a short while it came to my attention that I had answered without enough thought. My original answer was wrong. The following is the correct answer to the above question:

The major rise in gas/fuel prices has effected me and my job greatly. For those of you that do not know many company trucks are governed at a certain speed for different reasons: insurance, safety, liability, tickets, to keep good truckers honest, etc. One of the “etc.” would be fuel economy.

Since the spike in fuel prices my company has rolled back the speed of its trucks by five miles an hour. How does that effect me? Over the road truck drivers tend to be paid by the mile (the distance between point A and point B). If it takes my longer to get from here to there, I’m making less money per day, or working longer and harder to make the same amount of money I was making before.

How else has it effected my job? It’s my understanding approximately 250 drivers lost their jobs due to downsizing and restructuring. Luckily I didn’t fall into that category. The company also got rid of it’s driver training program. That means more layoffs. My company is no longer hiring new drivers (fresh out of school) either. Any new drivers being hired must have at least two years of driving experience. My health / dental / vision insurance has gone way up. There have been all kinds of cut backs at our yards. Several of the yards even closed. I’m sure there are plenty of other changes than aren’t even coming to mind right now.

So like I said, I may not have to buy the fuel, but it’s definitely hitting my pocket book, and it’s giving me some concerns about the stability of my job. Sure trucking’s not going anywhere, but I don’t have two year of experience under my belt just yet. I barely passed the one year mark. Many people have lost their jobs. I’m gonna do my best to keep doing my best, try not to rock the boat, and see if I can’t ride out this storm. It’s gotta get better soon. Right? Hmmm… *gulp*

I’ve been sitting on that one since May 9th. I’m getting there, almost caught up.

• Q #4:

I have a class A CDL (commercial drivers license) but have only driven local. I am considering going over the road but I have a pet. She is an African Grey Parrot. Will a carrier let me bring her and are the sleepers big enough to accommodate a cage?

Thanks

• A:

I don’t know about all carriers, but I do know many do allow pets. I’ve seen plenty of cats and dogs on the road, so I don’t see why they wouldn’t allow a parrot. I also can’t speak for all carriers as to their policies if in fact they do allow pets. My company charges a rather large (read: HUGE) sum of money in order to have a pet on board with you, and said amount is per pet. The good news, I believe most if not all is refundable when the pet moves out, or when your service with the company comes to an end.

As for space, there is plenty of space in those trucks. They built to house two grown adults plus all their shit, so one man, a parrot and its cage should be no problem at all. You could probably even squeeze in a year’s supply of bird seed, several pirate costumes, your entire CD collection of pirate jams, all three Pirates of the Caribbean DVD’s, and still have room for a treasure chest full of pirate booty. HA!

Sorry, I had to liven this post up a little bit. It was a great question. And for those of you out there wondering similar yet different pet questions, I’ve seen two trucks living with two full grown large dogs living in one truck. The room is there, it can be done, but not in my truck.

That question found it’s way into the mail bag on June 6th.

• Q #5:

I have been a chef for over 25 yrs. I got burned out and want to change careers. I graduated XXXXX Truck Driving school and have applied with a lot of OTR (over the road) companies only to be denied because I have 3 DUIs (driving under the influence) in a life time (1 in 1987, 2-1996) I know I screwed up 12 yrs. ago, but I have had NO violations on my record since. Can anyone help me get my new career started? I just want to drive, not be jacked-up for something I did in another lifetime.

• A:
  

Dude! Believe me, I feel your pain. I did some prison time and it haunts me to this day. Getting a truck driving job wasn’t easy, and I had been out for approximately (just shy of) ten years. They’ve really cracked down since 09/11/2001 when it comes to hiring truck drivers. Let’s face it, you’re gonna be driving a truck and load that weighs up to and in excess of 70,000 lbs. Everyone’s worried about terrorists behind the wheel, and in your case they’re worried about the fact that your crimes were vehicle related.

First off I’m guessing your truck driving school was aware of your DUI’s before you started the school. They don’t tend to accept students they can’t place into a job position. With that being said, finding you a job won’t be as easy as the average Joe due to your record, and once you have that class A CDL that record follows you from employer to employer, state to state, so don’t ever try to hide it. It’s there and they’re going to know about it.

The next strike you have against you is the economy. As I mentioned in Q #3, my company isn’t hiring anyone with less than two years of experience. I hate to say it, but you picked a very bad time to become a truck driver. That’s not to say everyone has adopted this hiring criteria, but unfortunately many have. I’m guessing (sorry, I’m not all knowing) there are still companies out there hiring student drivers, but I can tell you right now they won’t be paying you as much due to your lack of experience, but that’s to be expected. That’s how it was when I was hired, and the economy was doing alright at that time. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they are starting student drivers out at even less. With that being said, there’s still good money to be made, but you’re gonna have to work extra hard to earn it.

My advise to you would be to keep in touch with your truck driving school. In most cases they are the ones that should be finding you a job. If this is the case, great, but don’t leave it all up to them. Check your local paper, get you some trucker books (nothing but trucker jobs from cover to cover) from a truck stop, and search the web until you find that job. It’s out there, so don’t give up.

There are other alternatives too, if you are willing to broaden your employment horizon. With your class A CDL bus driver (local and cross country), sanitation truck driver (trash truck driver, not so glitzy, but the pay ain’t bad), and other similar jobs are within your grasp. Also many truck driving schools also double as truck driving companies. If that’s the case with your’s, hit ‘em up for a job, even if they suck. You have to start somewhere.

I hope I’ve given you some good pointers and maybe even opened your eyes up to new possibilities. Good luck in your quest.

That fine question made it into the mail bag on June 14th. I have only one other question to answer, but it’s gonna have to wait for another time due to information requested. It’s going to be a very picture saturated post when the time comes. Yeah, I know, you’re heart’s broken. “But Peter, we want to read more boring trucker crap for another hour or two. Oh please say it isn’t so.” Sorry, it’s so, but thanks for playing along. Just curios, but if you read the whole post, let me know in your comment. You may have an award in store, but don’t bullshit me. I don’t take kindly to being bullshitted.

Do you have a question you’d like to ask a trucker? If so, click here. If you’d like to read Q & A’s already asked of a trucker, click here.

Ask A Trucker: Lot Lizard Blues

The following is a letter that landed in the “? A Trucker” mail bag on April 17th. Please forgive my slow response time. I’ve been slowly but surely getting off my lazy ass and back into the frame of mind needed to get things done. Now, on with the festivities:

• Q:

hi my name is XXXXX, i am 24 my husband has been a truck driver for 2 years now. in his past 7/8years) he has an obsession of jerking off too 900 #’s. which really upsets me. we have a 5 yr old daughter, i am currently 5 1/2 months pregnant. but anyways i found 2 names &#’s of lot lizards in his cab on 4/14/2008. of couse the son of bitch denies it, he says, he let those whores use his cb. and they left their numbers for him 2 give away! yeah , i wasn’t born yesterday…… but he swears up n down , he’s tired of defending himself too me. also i finally cracked his password on his cell phone and discovered phone sex messages from oct-dec 2007…. i am sick n tired of his bullshit, i don’t deserve this . so i am telling him tonight that i am done with him/ divorce…… if you were me , would that be the choice 2 make? plus i had myself checked for any type of sexual diseases today @ the doctors office.

please let me know what you think.

• A:

Let’s break this down shall we, starting with the 900 #’s. He’s a guy, so there’s not any getting around the jerking off, but the fact that he’s into the 900 #’s to make it happen is a problem, and a pricey one at that. I’m no sex therapist, but that doesn’t sound too good to me. Any time any habit starts effecting every day life in a negative way you’ve got a problem. In your case a financial problem at the least. He might be the one bringing home the bacon, but it’s your bacon too. You two have a family to take care of and that comes first.

Next let’s address the names and #’s you found in his cab. The first thing you’ve got to wonder is, are these the #’s of lot lizards, or just skanks in general? In either case it doesn’t bode well for him. In his defense however, I have heard of lot lizards asking to use truckers’ CB’s to drum up business, so that’s not completely unbelievable. Still there’s no way of knowing for sure. True or false, it sounds like he’s getting to close for comfort if you ask me.

Lastly, you’ve found sex related messages on his cell phone. I’d like to hear his story to get out of this one. Whatever the case, all of these things add up to a lot of trust issues, and trust is the main ingredient in a good marriage. Without trust all you have is a doomed relationship. It’s just a matter of time. Getting yourself checked out at the doctor’s office sounds like a good idea. Better safe than sorry. I hope all turned out ok it that department.

My opinion: If you have any intentions of making this marriage work, he’s gonna have to give up the 900 #’s, you’re both gonna have to get some marriage counseling, and a new line of work for your husband may be in order. I suggest a new career, because the trust is already gone, and with him away from home for weeks at a time there’s no time to mend the damage that’s already been done, and that trust isn’t going to magically return while he’s out on the road.

In the end, I’m not a marriage counselor. I’m just a simple trucker who was expecting questions more along the lines of “what do you do when you gotta poop real bad?”. I hope everything works out for the best. Sounds like you have some very serious decision making to do. Think with your head, not with your heart, and I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. Take care.

Do you have a question you’d like to ask a trucker? If so, click here. If you’d like to read Q & A’s already asked of a trucker, click here.

Ask A Trucker: Running Late With Jake Brake At The Top Of My Slate

The following letter landed in the “? A Trucker” mail bag on February 25th, right around the same time I went into a writing slump. I’m still not quite out of my funk, but I’m gonna give this a try anyway, so here we go:

• Q:

My old man has a 75′ Pete (1975 Peterbilt) and has tried to teach me how to drive…while I understand most of the basics, how the heck do you use the Jake brake? I get so nervous that I’ll kill the engine.

• A:

For those that don’t know, Jake Brake is a trademarked nickname for Jacobs Brake, and has become a generic term for similar brake systems, much like Q-Tip for cotton swabs, or Kleenex for facial tissue. A more appropriate generic term would be auxiliary brake, engine brake, or engine retarder.

So, what is an auxiliary brake? The auxiliary brake is a brake system completely separate from the service brake system (the brake pedal). The auxiliary brake helps the service brake in slowing the vehicle, controlling the vehicle when slowing or descending a grade, and by saving wear and tear on the service brakes.

How do auxiliary brakes work? Let me keep this very simple, because there’s way to much to this topic to get into. When the auxiliary brake is turned on it starts doing it’s job when ever you take your foot off the accelerator, or when your vehicle begins to accelerate a few miles per hour over the speed at which your cruise control is set.

And now for the real question “how the heck do you use the Jake brake“. Most auxiliary brakes have two on positions, high and low. When getting started, your auxiliary brake should be off. Some can be used in town, but most cannot. For safety’s sake we won’t turn it on until we’ve reached highway speed. Likewise, I make it a habit to turn them off when I get off the highway, at approximately 45 MPH.

Once I turn it on, I tend to leave it in the “high” position. The low setting in my truck doesn’t seem to do enough to justify ever using it. This may vary from truck to truck, or from auxiliary system to system. In normal driving conditions, at a maintained speed of 45+ MPH you can leave your auxiliary brake on.

When not to use the auxiliary brake: when traveling under 45 MPH or in stop and go traffic, when driving conditions are slippery (use in slippery condition can increase the risk of skid or jackknife), while bobtailing (driving without a trailer), while driving with an empty trailer (use while bobtailing or pulling an empty trailer may result in wheel lock up), or where auxiliary brakes are prohibited.

Auxiliary brakes prohibited? What’s up with that? Some auxiliary brake systems are rather loud. Because of this fact you often time see signs when driving into towns prohibiting the use of auxiliary brakes. I’ll let you be the judge of just how loud your auxiliary brake system is, but keep in mind, if the police officer disagrees with your choice, you could be looking at a hefty fine.

This was a bit of a technical question so if you have any further question I suggest refering to your auxiliary brake owners manual. With so many makes, models and types out there, that’s probably a great place to start anyway.

I still have some catching up to do, so keep an eye out for more installments of Ask A Trucker in the near future.

Do you have a question you’d like to ask a trucker? If so, click here. If you’d like to read Q & A’s already asked of a trucker, click here.