My dad told me a funny story this last time I was visiting him. My step-sis was over visiting and her being there reminded him of the story. As soon as he started, she began protesting, so I knew it was going to be a good one.
His story started on the day he and step-mother got married. More precisely it began during their wedding reception. Everyone was sitting down, eating, drinking, talking, and laughing. In the middle of this festive occasion my dad gets an unexpected wedding present.
The surprise gift was a massage, but not just any kind of massage. It was a butt massage, with family and friends all around, and yet no one noticed the hand down his pants, squeezing ever so lovingly. He said it felt pretty good too.
As he turned to his new wife with an excited smile on his face, something caught is attention. The smile on his face was replaced with a look of bewilderment, because both of his wife’s hands were on the table. It was at this moment that he realized that the hand down his pants was coming from the left of him, while his wife was sitting to the right of him.
My dad then turns to his left, where step-sis is sitting (yes, the same step-sis that protested this story). It turns out the hand down his pants, squeezing on his ass, belonged to step-sis.
According to her (she insisted on explaining her actions in the middle of my dad’s story) she was doing it out of habit, because her boyfriend usually sat to her right. Why else would she do such a thing, on their wedding day, in front of her mom, her boyfriend, and the rest of the guests?
I couldn’t argue with her explanation, nor would I, but I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off as she squirmed with embarrassment and humiliation. I now understood why she protested so much.
Anyway, back to the story. My dad has just come to realize that his new step-daughter had her hand down his pants, giving him one hell of an ass massage, right in the middle of his wedding reception. In shock and awe, he looked to his right, amazed that his wife is oblivious to the events taking place.
He then looked to his left, equally if not more amazed that step-sis nor her boyfriend have a clue as to what was happening. He then leans over to step-sis and says “you know Hun, that feels pretty good, but I don’t think your mom or your boyfriend would appreciate it very much if they knew what you were doing”.
With wide eyed terror on her face she yanked her hand from my dad’s pants while simultaneously shrieking in horror. She couldn’t believe what she had been doing.
Being me I then had to ask them “after this incident did anyone refer to you guys as ButtMan and Rubbin?” with my serious reporter face on. My dad got a kick out of my little pun, but all I got from step-sis was the evil eye.

"Does anyone want to go out for burgers and drinks after the show?"
"Pssst... Hey OJ. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!"
"Has anyone seen my rude little pig, er, ummm, I mean my daughter?"
"Has anyone seen my panties?"
"Has anyone seen my panties?"