Crazy Pix: 01/31/08

Two found in park with

large amounts of crack.

Every park should come equipped with

a few of these big butt chairs.

3 More “Must See” Videos

I’m back to videos, because my tags still aren’t working, and according to support, they “believe” my blog has been added to the no fly zone for being “mature”. I’m hoping to get the official word today. Let me know if you like the videos.

Wonder Couch: Can this possibly be real? And if so, I gotta get me one.

 

Dancing Robo Car: Gotta get me one of these too.

 

Ice Skating Robo Car: Yup, I gotta get me one of these as well.

 

 

Crazy Pix: 01/30/08

What do you get when you mix

two part Mickey, two parts Mini,

and one part Mardi Gras?

Mickey & Mini “Hangin Out” @ Mardi Gras X2

From Prison Guard To Prisoner

I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out why I can’t upload images right now. Hopefully this is one of those problems that just goes away on it’s own. I’ve spent way too much time on that problem, and no time at all on a new post, so here it goes, short but sweet.

I was a prison guard for five years. I was put under investigation for the actions of another guard. During a takedown (subduing an uncooperative inmate) an inmate was roughed up.

I was one of the two officers involved in the take down. This was my first use of force on an inmate in my entire five years with the department. This was a spontaneous take down (not planned at all) and I was concerned for my safety and the safety of the other officer, so that’s where my mind was as this all unfolded before my eyes.

I ended up on the ground with the inmate in a headlock. I was facing away from the other officer at this time, and all I could think was “this dude’s gonna bite me” but he never did, but he put up one hell of a fight.

After the inmate was restrained and put in a cell it was paperwork time. Any time anything happens in a prison those involved have to fill out incident reports. As we started writing the other officer said to me “write it like it happened, If you saw me hit that inmate, put it in the report” and I assured him my report would contain all the facts. That was the extent of our discussion on the subject.

The next day I was asked to rewrite my report by my supervisor. He said it was lacking details. So I rewrote my report, being as detailed as possible. Well it turns out the details missing from my report were the facts that while I was worrying about getting bit, the other officer was working this guy over behind my back.

I wasn’t worried about the other officers actions during this ordeal, I was worried about safety. I was scared. That’s where all my attention was. Getting this inmate down and cuffed, and walking away without a trip to the medical unit. That report had all the facts and I remembered them.

The other officer included all of his misdoing in his report. Shortly after he was given two weeks off without pay. I on the other hand was put under the microscope, because surely I was lying to cover up for another officer’s actions.

Long story short, this drug on for months. It was very stressful, and not very pretty at all. It was turned into this really big deal and a witch hunt. I ended up quitting due to job related stress, but my files shows “resigned in light of investigation” or some crap like that.

After walking away from a job that up until then I was very happy with, I quickly fell into a very deep depression, which quickly led to my being broke. I gave up on live and took refuge on my couch.

It wasn’t long before a concerned friend of mine came to my rescue. He knew “a guy”, who knew “a guy”, that needed someone to drive a car, and he pays pretty good. What’s the catch? The car is full of marijuana, and you’ll be driving it all the way across country.

This was something I would never have done in my right mind, but under the circumstances it sounded like a great idea. “The marijuana relocation program” is what I later came to call it. I jumped at the opportunity to get away from it all and catch up on my bills.

I ended up doing this as a way of living for about three months. That all came to an end when I was pulled over by the cops, “for speeding” they said. Yeah right! Anyway, I spent a few weeks in jail, but was bailed out. I spent the next seven months fighting it in court, and in my spare time I tried drinking the trouble away, unsuccessfully.

It ended with me being sentenced to three years in prison (they were originally shooting for three twelve year sentences). I had just gotten married the month before my sentencing, believing that things were gonna work out, and hanging on tightly to my love in the event things didn’t go as I hoped.

I had to serve 85% of the three years (approximately two and a half years), but they got their other 15% in the form of probation, that included random urinalysis, tons of harassment, and a $250,000 fine. They must want me to go back to a life of crime if they expect me to pay that back. My sweet, loving, angel of a wife stuck by my side the whole time.

To think it could have all been avoided had I just lied, and said “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell the whole truth in my report”, but anyway, there you have it. My life on both sides of the bars, and yes, this was the very, very, very short version.

Any questions?

10 Things I’ve Done That You Probably Haven’t

This is a meme that I snatched up from Brahnamin @ Juggling Cats. It looked like a fun one, but not as easy as it looked, so I had to modify it a bit. I’ve changed it to “10 Things I’ve Done (or had happen to me) That You Probably Haven’t”. I also turned it into a top ten list. I hope you enjoy the count down.

#10 I used to have a pet horny-toad when I was three or four, and I carried him around in my underwear.

#9 I was arrested as a teen for steeling somewhere in the range of $1000 worth of video game tokens from a video arcade.

#8 I was on the Jerry Lewis Telethon when I was about three. I donated a huge ammunition box full of change, and in return I got to be on TV and got a ride in a helicopter.

#7 I spent nearly two years in Hawaii, and I don’t remember a thing.

#6 I once had sex in the open doorway of a self storage unit, in the middle of the day, in view of a fairly busy street.

#5 I was a prison guard for five years and an inmate for 2 and a half.

#4 My grandma walked in on me while my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. WHAT THE FUCK!!!

#3 I once was in a three month relationship with a stripper.

#2 I had four girlfriends at one time.

#1 I once groped a lady friend of Zeus’ while he had his arm around her.

No tagging this time around, but If you’re intrested, take it and run.

I didn’t go into too much detail because I was thinking that some of these are post worthy on their own. Let me know what you think. A little self humiliation in moderation is good.

3 Fun Videos You Gotta See

These are a few of my favorites I’ve found while surfing.

Funny News Clip

Crazy home video from party

Awesome parkour from the movie “District 13″

I hope you liked them.

If I Were King: 080127

If I were King: All public schools would be made exactly the same, cookie cutter style. And when I say cookie cutter, I don’t mean the same crap at every school, I mean the same quality and quantity would go into them. They would all get the same number of students per teacher, the same amount of equipment, the same books, videos, etc. I’m sick and tired of seeing schools on the “good” side of town getting more, while the schools on the “poor” side of down go without. If they are all public schools, shouldn’t they get exactly the same things?And if there were new things being implemented into the schools, wouldn’t it make more sense to start with the poorer schools? That’s how I’d do it.

If I were King: All public schools would have a dress code, the same dress code. The good news, it would be a simple, relaxed dress code. The dress code would consist of blue jeans, grey t-shirts, and white shoes. The parents would have to supply the uniforms, but the uniforms would only be available through the schools. That would eliminate variations in the uniform, and keep prices down. So says the King. The schools would stock everything from shoes and socks to belts and jackets. Oh, and there would be uniform inspections every day. The King wants to make sure all kids are equal in the clothing department, and that no ones asses or underwear are hanging out.

If I were King: There would be no begging, no homeless, and no unemployment. There would be shelters for those that have none, but don’t expect anything fancy. Everyone would get three hot meals and a bunk. Everyone that can work will work. The King could always use another masseuse, landscaper, street sweeper, garbage collector, window washer, and let’s not forget the King’s military. All people under the Kings care will not receive a paycheck. Instead they will have a royal savings account, and when there is enough in there for them to take care of themselves, the King will be glad to see them go.

If I were King: The death penalty would have an express lane. Now I know the legal system isn’t perfect, and mistakes do happen, so the express lane would be for special cases only. The ones with overwhelming evidence that would include video with positive ID, and/or multiple eye witnesses of good moral character, with spotless records in society, and of course a very strong case. If all those requirements are met, after sentencing the condemned would go from the courtroom to the execution chamber. The King isn’t down for keeping murderers, rapists, and child molesters on death row alive at the expense of his hard working tax payers. “OFF WITH HIS HEAD! Next!”